DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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