i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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