Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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