the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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