apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
two words...techno handjob
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
