Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
