her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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