What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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