your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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