I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
