JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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