Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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