I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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