I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Couch. On fire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
