Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
