Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
