Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
