so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer