I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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