Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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