I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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