I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.