Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real