So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
