That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.