i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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