I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
