Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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