You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
