Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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