what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize