Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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