I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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