I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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