My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
