Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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