im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize