Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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