I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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