pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
