Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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