I swear she didn't look like that last week.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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