So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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