If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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