i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
