I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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