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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sorry my hands just texted you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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