um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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