I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
