Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
