He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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