I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
