im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
