The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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