Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
