apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
