Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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