I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
