How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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