Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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