Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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