I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
