where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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