How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
