She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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