i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
