sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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