It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
