Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
