I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
