hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
