Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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