I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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