its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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