very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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