I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
