Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
