I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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