He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
