I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
