thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
