I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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