So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
vagina is talking i cant
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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