go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
