Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want her autograph on my taint
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
