her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
