I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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