i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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